


Lost

by Firelight47



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Depressed Dean Winchester, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Helpful Sam, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Sad Dean Winchester, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 16:23:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16664140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firelight47/pseuds/Firelight47
Summary: After Castiel died, Dean was lost. He wanted to get away. Where he ends up gives him answers he didn't know he needed.





	Lost

Dean knelt over Castiel's corpse, tears forming in his eyes, as Sam ran towards the house. Castiel's body was too still and his wing imprints singed into the ground made it seem too real.

Once Sam was out of earshot, Dean whispered to Castiel, "You're not dead. I know you're not dead... You can't be dead..." But a few hours later, Dean was wrapping up Castiel's body to give him a hunter's funeral. He avoided making eye contact with Sam and the nephilim, Jack. Once the body caught fire he got into the Impala and waited for the other two to do the same. 

"Should we say a few words?" Jack looked over at Sam.

"Yeah. Castiel, you were a great friend and I'm sorry it had to end like this. I hope you're happy, wherever you are." Sam nodded, but it still felt like too little. He clasped his hand on Jack's shoulder before turning towards the car, unsure what else to say. Jack followed and sat in the back seat. 

The drive home was filled with awkward silences and music played too loud to think. Sam was sure that something was going on with Dean but whenever Sam tried asking about it, Dean would just turn up the radio. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or maybe it was just Dean being Dean, but something just seemed off. Dean looked moments away from snapping and at the same time, he seemed moments away from crying. 

When they reached the bunker Dean immediately got out of the car and went inside; no words exchanged with either of them. Sam shrugged and helped Jack settle into his new room. Sam took Jack on a tour and saw just how foreign everything seemed in Jack's eyes. Eventually, they both fell tired and went to their own rooms to sleep. And that's when Dean emerged from his.

He walked out into the kitchen and just looked around. Not out of paranoia or suspicion, just to look. Everything was the same as when he left: the stains, the dirty dishes, the week old burger in the fridge but Dean knew something wasn't right. He knew that that something may never be right again, and that's something he wasn't looking for.

***********************************  
This routine kept up for several days. Dean barely seeing or talking to Sam and Jack and then wandering through the bunker in the middle of the night. It wasn't until the eighth day that Sam decided to figure out what was going on. 

They did their daily routine as normal but when they went to bed that night, Sam put his ear to his door and waited for Dean to come out. Dean's bedroom door creaked open and Sam waited until Dean's footsteps got softer before following after him. He watched as his older brother walked absentmindedly through the bunker, just looking at his surroundings. He looked lost, like he was going somewhere but didn't know where to. 

Dean turned around and Sam ducked behind a wall. Dean walked back up the stairs to the bedrooms and Sam followed not too closely behind. Sam watched as Dean went past his room to-

"Sam?" Dean turned towards him.

"Dean wait-" 

"No, what are you following me for?"

"Look you just haven't been yourself since Cas died, so I decided to see what you were doing and well..."

"Well what, Sam?" Dean's tone was harsh.

"Well you just seem lost, Dean. Walking around like you've never seen the bunker before and avoiding Jack and me like we're the plague and don't say that you're fine because you're not. So why don't you save yourself the breath and just tell me what's going on."

"Fine. Sam, you want the truth? Truth is, I am lost and being trapped inside this stupid bunker isn't helping. I need to go somewhere, not on a case somewhere but I just need to go."

"Well, if you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?" 

Dean went quiet for a moment to think. but everywhere he thought of just wasn't right. He glanced to the door at his side and felt a pit in his stomach. It wasn't his door. It was Cas's. He looked back to Sam.

"I can't go where I want to."

"Oh, I see." Sam relaxed his stare a little bit.

"What could you possibly see?"

"It isn't a where, it's a who." 

Dean gulped before looking back towards the door. "Maybe it is, but it doesn't change the fact that I still can't go to him. Cas is dead and we can't change that."

"I know, but Dean that's why you have to stop moping around and avoiding us. It's not doing you any good and if we find a case or one of the angels figures out where Jack is then we have to be ready."

"Okay fine." Dean walked past Sam and into his room.

"Great..." Sam took a deep breath and turned towards his room.

****************************************  
Dean walked out in the morning and sat at the table with Sam and Jack. 

Sam turned his laptop towards Dean, "I think I found us a case. In Santa Fe there's been three victims, their throats ripped out and bodies drained of blood."

"So, vampires?" Dean asked.

"I'm thinking so, I thought it'd be an easy way to get Jack into hunting."

"No, Jack stays here. He's wanted by angels and demons alike-"

"Dean, he needs to learn how to use his powers and vampires are easy to practice on."

Jack chimed in quietly, "I'm gonna be a hunter." He was wearing the same innocent expression that Cas was all those years ago when he decided to be a hunter. Dean felt a pain in his chest.

"Yeah okay, whatever." He got up and walked back to his room. A few minutes later he came back out fully dressed and a machete clipped onto his belt. "Let's go, guys."

**********************************  
The drive to Santa Fe was less suffocating than the drive to the bunker. It was mostly Jack asking questions about things he saw or life in general. Sam answered most of them, but Dean answered a few but he was mostly quiet. 

"So, who was Castiel to you guys? In the video my mom left, she said he was a good guy but you don't seem to talk about him much." Jack asked. Dean froze and he kept his attention focused on the road instead of answering. 

"Castiel was a good friend. He made some mistakes but his heart was always in the right place." Sam said.

"I'm guessing his death was very hard for you guys." Jack leaned forwards a little bit.

"Yeah, but-"

"He's gone and we can't change that." Dean finally said. 

"Right," Sam glanced over at Dean, who had his eyes glued to the road.

Silence fell and they reached Santa Fe, New Mexico in the evening. There was a police car with it's lights on parked next to a line of yellow tape and about a dozen people. Sam, Dean, and Jack all got out of the car and flashed their FBI badges. 

"Hi I'm Agent Williams, these are my partners Agent York and Agent Farro." Dean said.

"I didn't think the FBI would be interested in a case like this." The lead policewoman said.

"Well, it peaked our interest. What can you tell us about the murders?" 

"This is victim four, Theodore Johnson."

"Any connection to the other victims?" Jack stepped up, standing tall. 

"Just the way they were killed; throats ripped out and drained of blood."

"Thank you, " Sam said and they all walked towards the body. "What do you say we go to the coroner's office and check out the other three victims?"

"Sure, but let's take a look at ol' Teddy here." Dean crouched down. 

Jack crouched beside him, "It's definitely a bite mark, in his throat."

"Thank you, Jack." Dean rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'll check us into a motel, you two go ahead and check out the bodies." 

Sam nodded and walked toward the policewoman, "Could we catch a ride to the coroner's office?"

"Yeah sure, hop in."

**********************************  
Dean found the nearest motel and got two rooms. The only two available were a double and a king. Dean took the king, he knew Sam wwouldn't want Jack to be alone and Dean wasn't about to share a room with him. 

He settled in and it didn't take long so Dean decided to map out the killings. They were all within a 10 mile radius, and upon looking further into it there was a nice little abandoned warehouse right in the middle of it. And upon his worse judgement, Dean got into the Impala and drove right to it.

He had his machete and some dead man's blood on him, which he figured was enough to kill the nest. And if not then what would be the harm? The most that would happen would be that they killed him and that wasn't that bad of an outcome. So Dean hopped in the Impala and drove to the warehouse.

On the drive over Dean prayed. He knew no one could hear him and he had to do it before completely jumping on this suicide mission. 

"Cas? I know you... you died but maybe somehow you can hear this?" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, you can't. You died... Okay, God? Chuck? I need you to hear this. Please, you've done it before you can do it again. I need... I want you to bring him back. Please..." Dean's voice cracked. He gulped and saw the warehouse ahead of him. He looked to the passenger seat, still empty. Suicide mission it is.

He parked the Impala and shoved three syringes of dead man's blood in his jacket. He slammed the door and snuck into the back entrance of the warehouse, machete in hand. The place wasn't crawling with vampires but Dean was definitely outnumbered. He crept around the corridor before coming face to face with a vamp. Dean sliced its head off in one clean sweep and kept walking. 

He heard footsteps coming from behind him. He kept walking before quickly turning around to cut off-

"Sam? What are you doing here?"

"We saw the Impala racing down the highway after checking out the bodies, so we decided to follow you. And it's a good thing we did. Dean, there's easily a dozen vamps in here, what were you thinking?"

Jack walked up to Sam's side, "I took care of one."

"You did?" Sam looked over at him.

"Yes, I used my hand and, I think the technical term is, smote him." 

"Good job." Sam patted Jack on the shoulder. 

"Now let's take care of the nest before we're all eaten." Dean turned around and clicked on his flashlight.

Sam sighed and clenched his machete before following. The warehouse wasn't huge, only five rooms total, but even with the three of them they were still completely outnumbered. They walked into the giant open area and were greeted by six vampires. The vamps lunged at the three of them and Dean managed to slice one's head off before getting kicked across the room. Sam killed one and was pinned down by two others. Jack smote one from behind and tried to smite the one coming for Dean but the vampire threw Jack across the room. That distraction gave Dean enough time to stick the vampire with dead man's blood before slicing off it's head. 

In that time, Sam managed to fend off one of the vampires that had him pinned down and killed the other one. But then the vampire punched Sam in the temple, knocking him out. It came for Dean next, and he had his machete ready but Jack swooped in first with Sam's machete and beheaded the vamp. Dean smiled when Jack's face fell. 

"What?" Dean barely asked when another vampire came at Dean from behind. Dean turned around but the vampire uppercut Dean, almost breaking his jaw. Dean stumbled backwards when he saw more vampires filing in through the door. If it was just him, he would've stopped fighting but he couldn't let them get to Sam or Jack. He got up a little ways before another vampire punched him in the gut. Dean keeled over and winced in pain. 

Jack walked towards Dean and managed to kill one of the vampires. He reached for Dean's hand and Jack could feel what was reeling through Dean's head as he helped him up. _Castiel_. Memories, longing, love. He saw how Dean was feeling. Jack's eyes glowed yellowed.

"Castiel..." Jack whispered. 

"What did you say?" Dean asked.

"Nothing."

"Okay." Another vamp came at the two of them, "Do you got this?"

"Uh, yeah. Yes." 

"Good." Dean walked towards Sam, fending off another vamp as he did.

Jack swung at the vampire that came for him and missed. He dropped the machete and stuck out his hand, channeling all he could into smiting this vampire. And within seconds the vampire's eyes burnt out and it glowed orange before collapsing to the ground, dead.

Dean crouched next to Sam. "Sammy, get up." He smacked Sam's face a couple times. Sam inhaled sharply before sitting up. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'll live."

"Alright." Dean helped Sam up and gave him a syringe of dead man's blood. 

The vampires kept filing in until it was ten against three. Dean was sure they weren't going to make it, but then again Jack was very powerful. They fought off four all together but then the vampires got smart and teamed up against each of them. Two against one for all of them. 

The two that went after Jack beat him up, but Jack managed to smite one and get a few good hits in on the other. 

Sam was left with blood dripping down his face but he managed to inject one of them and grabbed his machete to kill the other one. He ran over to help Jack. 

But Dean, he was getting torn up by the vamps. His nose was bloodied and broken, he was bleeding from his temple and his eye was swollen. The vampires had him cornered near the door and all he wanted was to let them kill him. But right as he was about to give up, the vampire's eyes and mouth's glowed and they dropped to the floor.

"Jack, I could've-" Dean looked up, but Jack wasn't standing there. "Cas?"

"Hello Dean." He reached out his hand and helped Dean stand up. "I don't know who-" 

Dean hugged him and prayed it was real, "I'm glad you're back." He pulled away and Cas smiled.

"Dean, hold on." Cas cupped his hand around Dean's and healed him. 

"Thank you," Dean smiled. 

"Cas?" Sam ran towards them. "How are you alive?"

"I annoyed an ancient cosmic being so much he brought me back."

"Castiel?" Jack walked towards them and Cas recognized that voice. It's the voice that he woke up to in the Empty. 

"Jack..." 

"Wait, how do you know him?" Sam asked.

"He's the one who woke me up, in the Empty. I heard him."

"Wait, _he_ woke you up?" Dean asked.

Jack jumped in, "Yes, well kind of. It took my power but when I helped you up I could feel what you were thinking and all of it was just longing and love for-"

"The hell did you just say?" Dean's cheeks flushed.

"I said-"

"No don't repeat it." Dean glared knives at Jack.

Jack looked to Sam, "What did I do?"

"I'll tell you on the way to the car. I think we need to let these two, uh, catch up." Sam smiled and they both walked out of the room.

"Listen Cas, I'm-"

"I love you too, Dean."

"What?"

"I love you."

"I... I don't know what to-" Cas cut him off with a kiss. Dean sunk into it and kissed him back.

"I love you, Dean. And you'll never know how much I regretted not doing that sooner when Lucifer killed me."

"I love you too, Cas. And I want you here, I don't want you to leave like every other time you come back. I want you to stay."

"I'll stay right here." Cas smiled and Dean kissed him. 

"Thank you."

"Of course."

Dean reached for Castiel's hand and the walked to the Impala. Sam and Jack drove back in the car they hot wired.

Dean and Cas walked hand in hand into Dean's motel room and for the first time in a long time Dean didn't feel lost.

**Author's Note:**

> What a concept right? I haven't written much canon verse but i enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it. And, as always, comments and kudos are appreciated :)


End file.
